Hi People,
I hope your summer has been as brilliant as it’s been for us in Dublin for the last days. It has actually been brilliant since I got back from Nigeria which is cool…coming back to wet weather after having the lovely sunshine would have been … not so cool.
Well, as I indicated on the main website, I had to shut shop for a while due to a death in the family. My Dad died after battling cancer for the last nearly 2years. He was 80years old and had lived a full, fulfilled life and at the time he went was in a lot of pain.
Daddy or “Doctor” as he was more popularly known was popular in many circles as was evidenced in his funeral. It was attended by everyone from mechanics, street traders, to Doctors and politicians. The tributes written about him read like a praise singers booklet. The best part though is that most people had some sort of personal experience where he touched their lives in one way or another.
He definitely made the most of his life and his gifts.The best things he left us are not property or material things but he taught us the value of things like a good name, integrity, education, friendship and loyalty. The friendships he left us have also proved their worth. “Committee of friends” we are indeed grateful! Doctor…aka Obaghite had real wealth in friends like you! His colleagues in the Nigerian Medical Association -many of whom he would have had a close friendship with were with him from the motuary till the grave.
The ceremony was spread over a week with 4main days.
- the service of songs: I was so busy from the time my feet touched the ground in Warri that I was a bit surprised that Friday arrived so quickly. The service of songs started an hour behind time-we were told the clergymen had had to go fuel hunting….there had been speculation of a looming strike that was mean there would be fuel shortage. When it eventually started it ended up being a beautiful ceremony.
The clergy at first to make up the time, wanted to cut out bits of the ceremony but as they were the parts that Daddy would have been most interested in, we didn’t permit this. They could instead make their sermon shorter. The highlights included
- Dr Agbowu singing beautiful classical number.
- Mrs. Agbamu leading the crowd to sing one of Daddy’s favourite songs-Que Sera Sera by Doris Day. And I have to say we did the song justice!
The day ended with snack packs and drinks being given out. Most of the crowd had dispersed by 8.00pm. Dr Ofor warned everyone to be on time the following day and gave a run through of the intended schedule.
We still had a full house afterwards, and I spent the better part of the night catching up with my girlfriends….after trying to put the finishing touches to the room where Daddy would be lying in state when he came home. Yoleme’s guys had done a fab job with the décor. We were not sure if candles would be construed to mean something undesirable so we decided to light them in the morning before anyone came and put them out once people start arriving.
- Interment: Woke up at about 5. Woke Ajiri and Amina up as well as Zino and we all proceeded to get ready.The girls and Zino and his friends all had their showers before we headed out to Shell mortuary Ogunu. I really should have known better though ‘cos we got there and we were the first there with no one else arriving till later-almost an hour later! Anyway we didn’t get the first slot as planned but it was still okay.
Just as Daddy was nearly ready, Dr Areh arrived with the Ambulance that would be his final ride.
After he had been dressed, I went in to look at him. I suppose because he had not been in the mortuary that long he didn’t look that different from the last time I saw him in Ibadan…other than his complexion…his usual beautiful complexion had a grayish tinge. I kept saying to myself “that’s not my Dad, but just his casing”. At a point though, I did nearly loose it …sorry guys for snapping at you but if I let you keep on trying to console me….I would have been a wreck! I just needed to get through the day.
I got in the car and Daddy, the driver and I headed for the house.
On arrival, there was already a crowd waiting to greet him and while they did so and he laid in state, I ran up to get ready.He was identified here by Samuel Igbrude. Mummy had left for Isoko with Tony while I and Zino had headed for the motuary.
By the time I came out we were ready to proceed to Isoko.
We headed off on the route marked out by Dr. Ofor and arrived in Isoko without incident. First stop was the family compound in Edhomoko. As Daddy approached in the ambulance shots were fired using what they called local cannon…gun powder i think. There was also a band to welcome him.
He was identified here by his brother Uncle Felix. And after lying in state here, we continued to Otibio were again, family members identified him as their son and he was again welcomed home by the shots fired. There was a graveside service which was led by the clergymen.
Daddy always said he didn’t want to be taken to church when he died so this was a perfect way to honour his wishes but still have a representation of God’s word at his funeral. Despite what the clergy thought and they left us in no doubt about it…we who knew the man realized this was the best fit for him. There was a bit of a to-do because of a white cloth which was apparently required by the clergy but they only told us during the ceremony and then were getting upset that it didn’t magically appear.
The Doctors lowered the coffin into the grave and Chief Atuyota and Uncle Sam gave graveside orations, and after the grave had been covered, everyone proceeded back to the family compound for the reception.
There was food, drink, music….enough saidJ.
We did the traditional greetings and supported kolanuts for all the guests.
“Isoko wado….”
And then afterwards, we danced and got sprayed…I thought spraying was now outlawed…apparently not it would appear!
For the whole day Mummy was in the room were she stayed with her friends and sisters and cousins,etc. Later that night though we all headed back to Warri, I and Zino stopped at Daddy’s grave to say goodnight.
-thanksgiving /outing service at good Shepard church-mummy’s church. The service started at 8 or 8.30 but we didn’t arrive till about 10.00am which was just as well as it didn’t end till about 1.00pm. I am not sure what we missed as we were there for the sermon.
Anyway after the church service we headed on home to feed and entertain people who had come to celebrate Daddy’s life with us.
Most of the rest of the week was filled with Mummy making the trip to Isoko to sit in the mourning-room. The Isoko cultures or maybe it’s just Owhe ….does not have a lot of empathy for widows or the immediate family of the bereaved!
By the 7th day, I was really glad it was the end and mostly for mummy as she could finally have the chance to grieve and start to make sense of her new “normal”.
One thing to note…for everything we had to do….even though it was in the middle of the raining season we did not have one drop of rain (no be God??!!) The kids were praying as were many of us for good weather…and others had gone their own way and got the 2 rainmakers in the village…”they” say these guys can hold the rain and you have to pay the both of them otherwise the one who is not hired would call the rain…
All said and done now….Daddy got a good send-off and I hope we made him proud. I bet though he was looking at us and was quite annoyed at some of the carryon …he was afterall the most simple down to earth person you could imagine and pomp and all was just not his thing…but we had to do it. Ufuoma, by the wayDaddy’s suit was splendid:-)
Rest in Peace Daddy, Doctor, Obaghite… until we meet again.
We are blessed by having had you in our lives and we will keep your memory going by trying to live as you would have wished….your values are our ideals and we will try to make you proud.
Tags: The Gist by admin
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